Who are we really? I mean when we get past all the nitty gritty of life, the trappings and the facades, who are we?
I am in the midst of a transition. A transition that I knew wouldn’t be easy. One in which I would be opposed by friends, family those who “know” me. I have not yet completely transitioned, that will come when the time is right. Currently I am working on changing my thoughts, my attitude my whole view point of the world really. What I am most surprised with is not the opposition I have felt from those closest to me (actually most all of them have been extremely supportive) it is the attitude I have found within my self!
This glut of self-doubt, frustration and annoyance. I find myself having panic attacks over nothing and anger towards situations and circumstances beyond my control. The CD (I was going to say LP but decided only half of you would understand…LOL) of self talk is stuck on repeat with a track entitled “Who do you think you are?” The lyrics discuss nothing but my failings in life and how dare I think I could crawl out beyond them. Anyone else ever have that song play on repeat?
The negativity blasting from within can be quite overwhelming. I do know how to push all the buttons that are raw, sore and will hit me the hardest. The enemy is overjoyed at my personal efficiency with which to inflict pain and doubt. That is the issue right there, I am exactly where he wants me. What is that quote….”I am my own worst enemy.”
Actually the entire quote by Henry Miller says this; “Like every man I am my own worst enemy, but unlike most men I know too that I am my own saviour.”
Beautiful! Not that I think by any means that I am my own savior, there is only one of those, however I, with help from the savior, possess the ability to dislodge myself from my current pattern of thinking and can then get off this south bound train. Instead of being stuck on the tracks of negativity, I can CHOOSE to get off that train and hop on one heading north. It is time to smash that CD and put on something with a little more pep in its step.
I don’t think for a moment I am alone on this ride. We all get caught up in the bad circumstances and situations of life. We hear the voice inside our heads remind us day and night of our fears and failings. STOP IT! Choose right now, today, not tomorrow or when you get your life right. Choose now to smash that song playing in your head. It’s time for some new music.
I choose to be me, the me who God created me to be. I choose joy and love and peace. I choose to finish the transformation that I am going through. I realize there are going to be growing pains, that some days will be better than others. I know I will make mistakes. But I am no longer listening to the enemy inside of my head. The song title may have remained the same, but now the lyrics have changed. I no longer will listen to my failings and fears. Instead it sings of my future accomplishments, the great changes and how awesome life is and is going to be. “Who do you think you are?”…. I am the exact me that was created to be. Many blessings!