Choose to be You

Who are we really?  I mean when we get past all the nitty gritty of life, the trappings and the facades, who are we?

I am in the midst of a transition.  A transition that I knew wouldn’t be easy.  One in which I would be opposed by friends, family those who “know” me.  I have not yet completely transitioned, that will come when the time is right.  Currently I am working on changing my thoughts, my attitude my whole view point of the world really.  What I am most surprised with is not the opposition I have felt from those closest to me (actually most all of them have been extremely supportive) it is the attitude I have found within my self!

This glut of self-doubt, frustration and annoyance.  I find myself having panic attacks over nothing and anger towards situations and circumstances beyond my control.  The CD (I was going to say LP but decided only half of you would understand…LOL) of self talk is stuck on repeat with a track entitled “Who do you think you are?”  The lyrics discuss nothing but my failings in life and how dare I  think I could crawl out beyond them.    Anyone else ever have that song play on repeat?

The negativity blasting from within can be quite overwhelming.  I do know how to push all the buttons that are raw, sore and will hit me the hardest.  The enemy is overjoyed at my personal efficiency with which to inflict pain and doubt.  That is the issue right there, I am exactly where he wants me.  What is that quote….”I am my own worst enemy.”

Actually the entire quote by Henry Miller says this; “Like every man I am my own worst enemy, but unlike most men I know too that I am my own saviour.”

Beautiful!  Not that I think by any means that I am my own savior, there is only one of those, however I, with help from the savior, possess the ability to dislodge myself from my current pattern of thinking and can then get off this south bound train.  Instead of being stuck on the tracks of negativity, I can CHOOSE to get off that train and hop on one heading north.  It is time to smash that CD and put on something with a little more pep in its step.

I don’t think for a moment I am alone on this ride.  We all get caught up in the bad circumstances and situations of life.  We hear the voice inside our heads remind us day and night of our fears and failings.  STOP IT! Choose right now, today, not tomorrow or when you get your life right.  Choose now to smash that song playing in your head.  It’s time for some new music.

I choose to be me, the me who God created me to be.  I choose joy and love and peace.  I choose to finish the transformation that I am going through.  I realize there are going to be growing pains, that some days will be better than others.  I know I will make mistakes.  But I am no longer listening to the enemy inside of my head.  The song title may have remained the same, but now the lyrics have changed.  I no longer will listen to my failings and fears.  Instead it sings of my future accomplishments, the great changes and how awesome life is and is going to be.  “Who do you think you are?”…. I am the exact me that was created to be.  Many blessings!

It’s Okay

If you have had the opportunity to read last weeks post you will understand when I say, that I am currently taking some time to work in my own garden this week.  When I began the journey of blogging this year, I decided that I wanted to write at least one blog a week.  I felt that it would be challenging because it was a commitment, but not oppressive and demanding.

And…

It’s okay…that I don’t have anything profound and revelational to share this week.

It’s okay…that my post is much shorter than normal.

It’s okay!

This idea is what I want to share with you all.  It’s okay.  It’s okay to not know.  It’s okay to take time to work in your own garden.  So while I have no insight in which to share with you this week, it is because I am taking some time to understand some issues in my own life.

Rest assured as soon as I understand what it is I am working on I will share.  But until then know this.  You are okay just the way you are.  Beautiful, amazing, brilliant and loved.  No matter where you are today and in what situation you may find yourself…you are okay.  Many blessings!

*Special note* the picture this week of a butterfly has special meaning to me.  When I am in positions of poor attitude or confusion as to my next steps on this planet, God has an amazing way of showing me butterfly’s and birds as a special message and reminder that He is still watching and knows my every need.

Reflection

“Reflecting on who you are today and why, opens up the possibilities of who you can be tomorrow.”-Becky Zahrte  (Oh wait that’s me…LOL!!)

I loved this thought when it came to me, and I still love it.  Please feel free to share it.

This week has been a week of reflection for me.  Sometimes I reflect in a negative way, blaming myself for all my ills in life, but not this time, not today.  Today I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that  I have been blessed beyond measure, and this is where my focus has been.

I was given the opportunity this week to do something that I knew I was called to do from my youth.  However, under the circumstances of my childhood this could not have been possible.  But God being God does what He does best.  He led me on a path.

Now this path has not been straight by any means.  There have been more hills than I care to think about, and some of those valleys were mighty deep.  I didn’t always understand why I was walking there, I wasn’t always sure I was going to make it up the next hill…..you know this is why I should lose weight.  🙂  Irregardless, I made it!  I made it to today.

Please don’t misunderstand me, my life is far, far, far away from being perfect.  I am still in a valley at this moment, but I feel like I am on a hilltop.  I feel like I finally understand why.

Like any of us, I have a story.  A story filled with despair and depression.  A story filled with love and excitement.  A story of betrayal and hurt, but also of redemption and forgiveness….It would make a great Lifetime special.  😉

But today, I am reflecting on all the amazingly good things in my life.  It’s not perfect but it is mine.  Mine to learn from and mine to share.  I thank God for all that I am and all that He has planned for me to be.  Many blessings!

Taking Over

So far this year has been a time to analyze and look at my behavior.  In order to be better we must first understand who we are.  For me this meant I chose to look deep inside at some of my behaviors.

One of my recent observations showed me that I can be overbearing and take over in a way that I didn’t even realize I was!   I tend to express my unsolicited opinion to others.  I did this because I truly have their best intentions at heart and want to help people become better.  But then one day it hit me.

A friend came to me and was just elated at something they decided to do!  I said well that is a great idea but wouldn’t it be better if you did this or added that etc. etc.  I watched my friend go from pure joy to being disheartened because now their AMAZING idea wasn’t that good after all.  I crushed them, even though I had their best intention in mind; it was MY best interest not theirs.  Even though I honestly meant well, I did them a huge disservice.

This is when I started to look deeper and realized the take over type of attitude I put on everyone around me.  My husband, my children, my friends and co-workers; these people were excited about something, proud of their accomplishments and I unknowingly made it minuscule and insignificant, because I would have done it different.  Even though I thought I was helping I was in fact hindering their creativity.  I was causing them to lose their joy.

Once I became aware that I was taking over, I consciously decided to stop.  I listen now and offer words of encouragement that is all.  If asked for my opinion I will give it, but only if asked.  I have found since I stopped taking over I feel more freedom.  I am no longer personally invested in their thoughts and actions.  I think on some visceral level I was subconsciously tied to either their perceived achievement or lack off.

Bring me your ideas, and your thoughts.  I will listen mindfully.  I will encourage you in anyway you need.  I will not offer you my opinion unless requested.  Let’s continue on in our journey this wonderful year, learning about ourselves and encouraging each other.  Many blessings.

The Importance of Support

Support is incredibly important.  It doesn’t matter  if we are talking about bridges, bras or buildings.  Without the adequate support, pieces and parts fall, it can cost millions of dollars in labor and repair and things starting flopping around in the wind.

But what about us, we human beings?  What about support in our lives?  Do we often consider the importance of support?  There are occasions where we understand it to be crucial, like when running for political office or if we are recovering from some sort of addiction we all know support is important.  But what about a normal day for an average Joe or Becky as the case may be?

This average Becky is a tough cookie.  I was taught from a young age that big girls don’t cry and the only reliable person on the planet is yourself!  Support!  Who needs it!  I am good all by myself thank you very much.  Well let me tell you from an average point of view just how far that has gotten me.

I was born a big baby.  I stayed big.  I have struggled with being overweight my entire life.  In grade school and beyond I was teased and tormented by my peers, only solidifying my theory that I could (and needed) to do things on my own.  As a teenager I became extremely self-conscious, assuming that the only thing anyone ever saw in me was my weight.  I built the walls around myself higher ensuring and affirming that the only one I ever needed to accomplish what I had set out to do was me, because I was it.

Then one day, not so long ago, my life changed.  I woke up and realized that I am working on 40 and still overweight, changes must be made.  I hesitantly sought out the assistance of a health coach.  With his guidance, I am now able to make wiser decisions in regards to my health and he supports me with those choices.  He not only guides me but offers encouragement.  It was that support and positive energy I was lacking when trying to do things by myself.

Support was something I desperately needed, but due to past hurt, I was unwilling to either recognize or accept.  This holds true for all areas in my life, be it my spiritual beliefs, the choice to become a minimalist, or the changing of my attitude and mindset.  I needed and need the support of those around me to help me through those tough decisions, to cheer me on and cheer me up.  I had to surrender to the fact that “I” alone could not, but “we” can and will.

It was a humbling day when I FINALLY understood.  However, I am extremely grateful for that moment, because it opened my eyes to so much.  That defining moment opened me to new friendships, new understandings, and the willingness to be the support for others.  A large part of the reason I chose to blog my journey and my understandings came from that moment.  I want to help others who are in the same position I found myself.

Now for my closing, supportive comments; please, like, comment, and share, show me your support!  If you are ready to makes changes with your health I highly recommend health coach, Matt Sakis!  If I can be a support to you and your changes in anyway, please contact me.  I wish you much success on your journey and hope you find the support you need.  Many Blessings!

New Year New Who?

So 2012 is over and done with and now we ring in 2013.  What does that mean for me?  What does that mean for you?

For me it has been a time of reflection.  A time to look back on the good and bad of the last year.  A time for me to decide what to do with the decisions I have made and where to go from here. 

Resolutions…..seems like everyone is making them.  I have decided that resolutions do not work.  We all make those promises to ourselves that we will do more exercise, eat better, spend more time with the family, but then after 2 to 3 weeks of a very concentrated effort we fall off the wagon, promising next week we will do better.  Unfortunately next week never comes.  So this year, I resolved (LOL) not to do resolutions, but to make goals.  I am going to set myself up this year with a very graduated and methodical plan.  Keeping in mind that there are markers that need to be met, these must be a challenge but attainable at the same time.  If you set your goals to high, you are destine to fail as you will never be able to reach them. 

Goals this year are important.  My particular goals include being healthier, by making healthier decisions, including physical activity in my daily routine.  I also have goals of learning a foreign language, and working in my garden more.

What are your goals this year?  What benchmarks have you set for yourself?  What do you think of resolutions?  Just a few questions you may want to ask yourself.

WooHoo Babies!!!!

This weekend has been an amazingly productive time.  We have been working diligently on household projects and catching up on projects that had been lost in the fray.

We purchased a load of flat rock yesterday that we will be using to create a fire ring and pathways to our backdoor.  I am hoping to intermingle the pathway with Spanish moss or perhaps creeping flox, haven’t quite decided just yet.  The children were great helps today as we had to go and load the rock we purchased, bring it home and unload it again.  They were great assistants and really worked hard.

The most exciting thing that happened this weekend, was seeing my babies!!  Last weekend I planted my starter seeds.  This weekend I already have seedlings.  I was so very excited to see all my tomatoes, leeks, onions popping up looking for more sunshine.  Next should be the peppers and celery.  Can’t wait to see them.  Baby plants are awesome! I am truly looking forward to seeing the thought of making a garden, growing it and watching it flourish come to fruition.

Simple things are usually the best and being able to start my own plants from seed is a wonderful feeling!!!!