Thoughts

Every Rose Has Its…….

You might have finished that sentence with thorn, but maybe not.  Perhaps you are in a more positive position than I am at the moment.  So perhaps your ending was beauty, or perfume or vibrant color.  All are awesome answers!

However, I am in a thorn mood.  I currently am finding myself battling an addiction, my own personal thorn in life.  While this particular addiction looks goods from the outside, it has a certain beauty to it, a certain perfume and vibrant color it is beyond the shadow of a doubt an addiction.

What is an addiction?  Well the dictionary defines it as the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.  Bingo!  I am addicted, addicted to stress and busywork.

I know we don’t often consider our attitudes/opinions/thoughts/concerns about a topic to be an addiction, but it can be.  I like to be busy, and by busy, I mean working myself to exhaustion and then dealing with the consequences of not learning to let go and slow down.  The very same things that seem to be the theme of my writing.  Often I feel I take one step forward and two steps back.  It is frustrating.

Currently I am dealing with some physical repercussions of not listening, hence the thorny mood. LET GO, SLOW DOWN!!!  Life is short, time being busy just for the sake of being busy is time wasted.

In the moments when I am listening to myself and what others are telling me, I find that I truly enjoy spending time with my Creator, praying with and for others.  Having conversations with those in need and seeking wise counsel for them.  I love helping people on their journey in life, as others help me.

But when I am not doing something I enjoy and have extra time on my hands, I find myself so terribly addicted to being busy that I simply “find” things to do.

Image result for letting go of stress

I am learning that “My Plan” is never the best plan.  His plan is always the best for us, even if we cannot see it in the moment.

Today, I am still learning and I praise Him that I am still here, able to show others that learning is a process and not an over night success story.

So here we go again.  Letting go, slowing down.  Many blessings in your path.

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Thoughts

You Don’t Know the Whole Story

A dear friend of mine and I were having a conversation earlier today.  I was venting to her about a frustrating situation that I have currently found myself in.

She and I often talk about our faith and issues we are having.  She is someone I consider to be a true friend, my confident and often advisor.

I told her the details of the issue and how truly frustrated I am.  It seems this problem is taking longer than I would care to sort out.  After all I am a busy person and this is just taking way toooo much time (think of this sentence in the most sarcastic tone you can muster).

What my friend doesn’t know is that when she stopped by to see me I was in the middle of emailing this very same issue to another person, probably someone who I shouldn’t have been venting to about this topic.

Towards the end of our conversation, after listening to what I am going through and why I feel justified to be frustrated, she very calmly looked at me and said, “I understand what you are going through, but often times I have found that we don’t always know the whole story.”  ……..Stopped me in my tracks…..

I just wrote yesterday about the lesson I am learning about not being in control anymore and here I am again trying to pull all the strings and make the outcome the way I want it, in the time frame I want it done in.  Ouch, that hurt…..

She was and is right.  I don’t know the whole story.  I don’t know all the circumstances and I do not understand all the issues.  All I know is what is in my box in front of me.  I cannot see into all the other boxes of peoples lives and decisions.  There is only One who can, and at this moment I am going to have to wait until all the information is revealed to me.

So after she and I parted ways and upon returning to my computer I quickly deleted the email I was composing.  Apologized for not being patient and trying to take back something I already gave.  Understanding that when the time is right, all will be revealed and work out just the way it should.

Many blessings!

Thoughts

Life’s Little Stinkers

Lessons in life some time stink!  Often it is the small lesson’s; or rather let me say, it is the lesson’s that seem insignificant or minuscule to us at that moment, that make the most impact.

My previous blog, I wrote about letting things go and how amazing transformation can come from it.  In my previous stage of life thinking about letting personal habits go usually meant something big.  Issues like addictions to drugs, alcohol, pornography or other “bad” items were the first to come to mind.   And while yes, I believe letting these addictions go is extremely important, I have also found that letting go of an addiction to our attitudes can have the biggest impact on our lives.

We don’t often consider our attitudes/opinions/thoughts/concerns about a topic or issue to be an addiction, but it can be.  My personal major addiction was the need to be in control of all aspects of my life at all times.  My expectations of when household chores should be completed.  My insistence that meal times can only be 7AM, Noon and 6PM.  My control in that laundry must be completed on Saturday, etc. etc. etc.  Control, always, in all things.  When someone stepped outside of that “norm” or caused me to miss my own personal deadlines, I became angry and difficult to deal with.

I justified my attitude constantly.  I told myself no one cared as much as I do otherwise they too would be upset.  Upset that people were late for their appointments, or that they didn’t return a phone call at exactly 6PM like was agreed.

Finally, after years of panic attacks, and heart palpitations, high stress levels and more gray hair than should be allowed at my age I handed this issue over to someone much greater than I, and I was ever so glad to do it.  I often find myself repeating “just let it go.”  I continue learning how to just go with the flow instead of constantly fighting upstream.  However, I find myself so much calmer, more at peace.

If I find myself getting frustrated again I ask myself probing questions like; is it really my responsibility to solve this problem, is there anything that I can do right now to change the situation.  If the answer is “no”, I remind myself of my previously mentioned mantra and move on with my day.

I must be honest, this lesson has been hard!  It has stung my eyes and filled my nostrils with a putrid odor.  For so long, I felt that I had to be on top of every minute detail of every situation, that I wasn’t sure what to do with myself.  I think the hardest part though, has been looking back and realizing how much time I wasted trying to be in control.  How many angry words were spoken?  How many arguments could have been avoided? – These thoughts stunk more than anything.

Life is full of little stinkers.  The key is learning to recognize one when you see it.  Learning to deal with it so that you don’t end of making everyone around you stink too. Many blessings on your path in dealing with your own little stinkers.

 

Thoughts

No Really….Let It Go

It has been a couple weeks since I last sat down to write.  Not that I didn’t want to, but I just couldn’t seem to find the time…..or perhaps it is because I didn’t make the time.  That seems more realistic.

I find myself being busy, too busy most of my days.  I feel a twinge of guilt and shame when someone asks how things have been and all I can muster is “Busy, you know how it goes.”  What a depressing answer that is.

Why do I find myself that busy? Is it because I think the world will stop turning if I do not take care of every little tiny thing?  Am I getting a sense of satisfaction from being too busy?  Do I make myself feel important by being this way?  Whatever the reason, I justify it a lot.  I tell myself things like, “well if I don’t who will” or “this has to be done, so…”.  So what!?!?!?.

Why can’t I just LET IT GO?

 

Just let it go….

Learning to let it go has probably been one of the most difficult lessons I have ever had to go through.  I am still trying.  Each day I try a little more.

Letting go is more than just parting ways with the physical objects in our lives.  It is also getting rid of our attitudes, our temperaments, beliefs and sometimes people.

Letting go is learning, maturing, growing and developing.  In my crazy journey, I call life, I have learned and continue to learn what is truly important.  The amazing thing I have found is that the more I let go, I also get a huge reward for my effort.  I get the opportunity to find out who I truly am, and who I was always meant to be.  I understand more and more each day how truly blessed I am no matter what the circumstances look like.

If you want to let go, or want to learn more about what it means, please feel free to message me.  Or I would highly recommend a kindred spirit of mine.  Although we have never met, I feel like I have known her my whole life.  I rejoice with her ups and I cry with her downs.  She has a blog aptly named Let It Go Coach, please feel free to read her wonderful story of being an over comer!  Until next time, Many Blessings!

 

Thoughts

Simply Celebrate

I was listening to a program earlier today that discussed celebrations in life.  How we go through this long exhaustive journey working diligently to get to our goal.  Once it is reached we jump for joy, but only momentarily.  The excitement of the reached goal dwindles and then we are on to the next goal, emphatically trudging through the muck and the mire, again for a moment of joy before beginning again.  It seems an endless miserable cycle that we put ourselves through.  Work, work, work, joy, work, work, work, joy.

I don’t think that is what we are meant for, to live a miserable existence for a few fleeting moments of joy.  I believe we are meant to enjoy our lives here on this beautiful planet.  Once my journey is over I believe I will go to a much more glorious place than here, but right now I should be loving my life.

This does not mean I believe in some sort of “Pollyanna” type existence where all is love and peace and there are kittens and rainbows and unicorns all the time.  I realize there are difficulties and hardships.  We lose our loved ones to illness and accidents.  We have disagreements with our spouses and children.  We say things we regret.  We have financial hardships, lost jobs and overdue bills.  But that doesn’t mean we should walk around being depressed all the time, singing our “woe is me” tune.  I think it quite the opposite.

Celebrate the victories no matter how small.  Whether or not you were offered the job during your recent job interview, celebrate the fact that you were called for an interview, there were probably 100 people who weren’t.  If you have been behind on your bills because of a financial difficulty be excited when you get one caught up instead of dwelling on how many more you have to go.  Did you open your eyes today and take a breath of air?  Great!  Be excited that you are still here, you have another day of opportunities for joy to come your way.

How can I say this?  Because I have lived it and continue to do so.  I used to live in my pit of misery.  Feeling sorry for myself because of the hardships and misfortune I had.  I am not saying that I never find myself there anymore, because I do.  But I no longer live there.

I simply celebrate the small victories in my life.  The smile of my husband’s face after he has worked diligently to cook another excellent meal (he is definitely the chef of the family) and everyone exclaims how good it was.  Bonding with my daughter over silly photos we are taking together.  Excited that my son stopped by for an unexpected visit.  These joys no matter how small are what I celebrate.

I have a dear friend who’s motto is “Choose Joy.”  And I leave you with that in mind today, choose joy and simply celebrate.  Many blessings!

Thoughts, Uncategorized

Choose to be You

Who are we really?  I mean when we get past all the nitty gritty of life, the trappings and the facades, who are we?

I am in the midst of a transition.  A transition that I knew wouldn’t be easy.  One in which I would be opposed by friends, family those who “know” me.  I have not yet completely transitioned, that will come when the time is right.  Currently I am working on changing my thoughts, my attitude my whole view point of the world really.  What I am most surprised with is not the opposition I have felt from those closest to me (actually most all of them have been extremely supportive) it is the attitude I have found within my self!

This glut of self-doubt, frustration and annoyance.  I find myself having panic attacks over nothing and anger towards situations and circumstances beyond my control.  The CD (I was going to say LP but decided only half of you would understand…LOL) of self talk is stuck on repeat with a track entitled “Who do you think you are?”  The lyrics discuss nothing but my failings in life and how dare I  think I could crawl out beyond them.    Anyone else ever have that song play on repeat?

The negativity blasting from within can be quite overwhelming.  I do know how to push all the buttons that are raw, sore and will hit me the hardest.  The enemy is overjoyed at my personal efficiency with which to inflict pain and doubt.  That is the issue right there, I am exactly where he wants me.  What is that quote….”I am my own worst enemy.”

Actually the entire quote by Henry Miller says this; “Like every man I am my own worst enemy, but unlike most men I know too that I am my own saviour.”

Beautiful!  Not that I think by any means that I am my own savior, there is only one of those, however I, with help from the savior, possess the ability to dislodge myself from my current pattern of thinking and can then get off this south bound train.  Instead of being stuck on the tracks of negativity, I can CHOOSE to get off that train and hop on one heading north.  It is time to smash that CD and put on something with a little more pep in its step.

I don’t think for a moment I am alone on this ride.  We all get caught up in the bad circumstances and situations of life.  We hear the voice inside our heads remind us day and night of our fears and failings.  STOP IT! Choose right now, today, not tomorrow or when you get your life right.  Choose now to smash that song playing in your head.  It’s time for some new music.

I choose to be me, the me who God created me to be.  I choose joy and love and peace.  I choose to finish the transformation that I am going through.  I realize there are going to be growing pains, that some days will be better than others.  I know I will make mistakes.  But I am no longer listening to the enemy inside of my head.  The song title may have remained the same, but now the lyrics have changed.  I no longer will listen to my failings and fears.  Instead it sings of my future accomplishments, the great changes and how awesome life is and is going to be.  “Who do you think you are?”…. I am the exact me that was created to be.  Many blessings!

Thoughts, Uncategorized

It’s Okay

If you have had the opportunity to read last weeks post you will understand when I say, that I am currently taking some time to work in my own garden this week.  When I began the journey of blogging this year, I decided that I wanted to write at least one blog a week.  I felt that it would be challenging because it was a commitment, but not oppressive and demanding.

And…

It’s okay…that I don’t have anything profound and revelational to share this week.

It’s okay…that my post is much shorter than normal.

It’s okay!

This idea is what I want to share with you all.  It’s okay.  It’s okay to not know.  It’s okay to take time to work in your own garden.  So while I have no insight in which to share with you this week, it is because I am taking some time to understand some issues in my own life.

Rest assured as soon as I understand what it is I am working on I will share.  But until then know this.  You are okay just the way you are.  Beautiful, amazing, brilliant and loved.  No matter where you are today and in what situation you may find yourself…you are okay.  Many blessings!

*Special note* the picture this week of a butterfly has special meaning to me.  When I am in positions of poor attitude or confusion as to my next steps on this planet, God has an amazing way of showing me butterfly’s and birds as a special message and reminder that He is still watching and knows my every need.